You never know it's your last good day, you wouldn't really know if it was your last bad day either, I suppose. I always wonder what she thought on her last good day. Did she know? Did we all know? I don't think so. I know that was one of my favorite days in the world. I know we sat in the chairs we grew up in.
Good days in general can be hard to come by, and as imposibly hard as this whole situation has been for me, I feel like I was given something that so few of us get to experience.
I can relive each moment of that day and just how long it was, how she looked, and even how she slept. And oddly enough, that was one of the days where she was at her strongest.
It was always easier to hang out with her when it was just our normal thing. Every Saturday I was there she would always turn to me, apologetically, as night came and told me I could go; I was off the hook. I really did want to be there. We so rarely find people that are innately "our people." She was and currently still is one of mine. I firmly believe our bond was something not everyone gets to experience in this lifetime.
We got to have a normal day. We were actually really boring best friends. We would always ask each other what to eat, and never ever decide. So we did that this night as well. I picked a movie, finally. We had this weird thing for classics and so we watched a tragic love movie.
We moved our recliners right next to each other so Andrea would be comfortable. And so we sat there for most of the day just laughing, eating, and watching movies. She didn't struggle for breath this day. And after a full day without complication she was exhausted.
It was amazing to be there on that day, and around 10pm she fell asleep. I glanced at the screen and the movie was ending. On the screen were these words:
"And the light by which she had been reading the book of life, blazed up suddenly, illuminating those pages that had been dark, then flickered, grew dim, and went out forever"
Life can be very strange withi the way things play out. I am lucky I got to say goodbye, lucky I got to hang out with her on borrowed time, and lucky to spend time with her on her last good day.
The next day Andrea could barely stay awake or eat, and in the early evening she was rushed to the hospital. I couldn't have been more shocked, considering how upbeat and happy she was the day before.
I love my Andrea and if she was in any pain on that day I thank her for giving me those last memories. That day will always be on the top of my mind, just like she will always be on the top of my heart.
